Titled: Your Nipples

   Once again I have been obsessively driven to view your website.  It looks like your nipples are still attached to your body, thank God.  You know how I worry.  Perhaps you should start using some kind of moisture cream on them to keep them supple so that they do not dry up and get pulled off in one of your "acts".  I think what you need is to go to your Moms house for a good home cooked meal, full of fresh vegetables, roast chicken with greben, and some schmaltz to keep your skin lubricated.  And for goodness sakes will you please stay off the Internet and keep your mind on other things.  You don't see me wasting my time writing E-mails![This happens to be an E-mail,   Ed.]  Think it over, it's not too late to change your nipple act.  Perhaps you should start studying card tricks, that would be nice.

I love you,
Your Mother

 Previous Letter from Mom